Momfriends and A Grand Jimmy John’s Adventure

I recently read this good old fashioned debate about whether or not there is an underlying hostility between mom and non-moms when it comes to making and maintaining friendships. Since I recently switched from one team to the other, I thought I’d weigh in. There is no denying that friendships change after a baby– and relationships basically break down into three categories:

Old Friends Who Get More Distant: It’s sad but true. Almost overnight, the girls who you would jet off to Vegas with for the weekend continue to jet off, but without you. It’s a little heartbreaking to realize that you’ve become less of a go-to for fun times, especially because free time becomes so much more precious and needed. The thing that makes it easier is to realize that instead of feeling dumped, you have to trust that the Circle of Life is constantly changing, and one day your old pal will have a Simba of her own and you’ll be back in the saddle together again instead of just the occasional dinner.

Old Friends Who Become Closer: It might seem pretty obvious that your friends with kids suddenly move up closer to the top of your rotation. What’s surprising is that you find out which ones of your no-parent friends are baby-obsessed and start calling more often. And come bearing boxes from Baby Gap.

New Friends: True, just because you both have kids doesn’t mean you’ll be besties. But at a time when convenience is crucial, there is nothing wrong with giving someone a shot. Every time I take Posey out for a walk, I fully admit that I check out everyone I see pushing a stroller to see if I might want to strike up a conversation. And I did just meet two other stay-at-homies who literally met on the street, so it happens. But it’s not just about findinging new mom friends. I recently befriended a 27-year-old single former Luvabull who was the LAST person I thought I’d hit it off with. But I think what happened is that since she didn’t know me PP (pre-Posey), in her eyes, I haven’t changed. I’m just the 33-year-old she wound up trespassing onto restricted federal airspace with while on a hunt for Jimmy John’s who happens to be a mom. And in that moment, me having a baby didn’t affect that fact that we needed a police escort out.

So…Fellow Moms– Agree or disagree? Have your friendships changed?

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2 thoughts on “Momfriends and A Grand Jimmy John’s Adventure

  1. I don’t think it’s about hostility between moms and non-moms, more just a deep shroud of mystery that surrounds the existence of motherhood – until you go there yourself. That’s because unlike most women around the world, we in the western world don’t really spend much time with children – much less care for babies – until we have our own. I was totally clueless what the “lifestyle” of parenthood entailed until I fell down that rabbit hole. Now i understand why sometimes email and phone calls to my friends with kids don’t get returned for weeks – I am guilty of it myself. I definitely bonded with other new moms as we stumbled through the first year (nothing like a “moment of truth” to bring people together) but there is something nice about being with friends who knew you BK (Before Kids). They remember the version of you that you sometimes forget yourself, after a day of negotiating peace treaties between siblings and wiping mysterious sticky stuff off the kitchen floor (again).

    • Sally, thanks for commenting! I agree. I feel like there is such a “pass it on” spirit that comes with the initiation. I know now how to actually HELP a new mom in a way I didn’t before, and it almost makes me feel embarrassed for being so clueless before! It’s like Oprah always says– though she’s quoting Maya Angelou– “When you know better, you do better.” Couldn’t be more true.

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