6 Reasons Why I’d Be Fired If I Did My Job the Way Other People Did Theirs

#1 If I said– “I’ll get that taken care of for you right away!”– but didn’t, in 18 years there would probably be no college fund.

#2 If I avoided eye contact for the entire duration of our transaction, I might have a kid who never learns to smile.

#3 If I never came to take your order, my baby would starve to death.

#4 If I gave you a different answer or conflicting information every single time I spoke with you, my household (and bedtime) would be chaos.

#5 If you paid me to fix the same problem over and over and over again without me ever really finding the real reason for the leak/funny sound/malfunction, we’d probably be at the children’s hospital ER for the hundredth time.

#6  If I just didn’t show up for our appointment, my husband would be a single father.

Milestone of the Week: Week 19

Today my baby is 19 weeks old.

At 19 weeks, I SHOULD be able to: delete the Kitty Halftime Show from my DVR no matter how many times I tell myself Posey really enjoys watching it. Especially the water dish cam shots.

I MIGHT be able: To prepare myself for the fact that I can’t protect her from everything and everyone– and nut allergies. Please God, skirt us around that tree nut thing.

I wish every night before I go to sleep: That I will be able to raise a kind, brave, empathetic, confident woman who would never, ever allow herself to be in a relationship with someone who takes advantage of or abuses her. Or maybe worse, wish she WERE in a relationship with someone like that.

Halle Berry presents an interesting parenting conundrum

In 2004, Halle Berry swore (on Oprah, no less) that she would never, ever, ever marry again. Now that rumors are swirling she’s engaged to Oliver Martinez, I’ve been wondering…

What’s the right thing to do as a parent? Always stick to your word, or teach your child it’s ok to change your mind and make a new choice?

6 Things New Parents Won’t Do Forever

My, how things change in just a few short months…

Heat the Bottles: You lovingly warm the bottle each time so it’s just right. And then one day, you realize… she will drink it cold just the same. Time Saved: 40 minutes a day

Wipe, Every Single Time: Turns out using a wet wipe on a wet nether region just breeds diaper rash. Wipes Saved: 6

Bundle Up: The books say to dress your baby in one extra layer than you would wear. And most of us would wear an undershirt, an outershirt, a sweater, a snowsuit and an insulated car seat sleeping bag thing. So just add a plastic unbreathable stroller cover, and your baby is good to go. Then get in trouble at the pediatrician’s office for the extreme heat rash. Laundry Saved: One load a week

Set the Motion Alert Baby Monitor: You may still wake up three times every night to put your finger under his nose to feel for breathing, but hearing the alarm go off after you forget to turn it off and are already in another room with a pants-free baby is only charmingly absent-minded for so long. Energy Saved: Honestly, probably about 1/200th of a cent, but you can now call yourself a Green Mom.

Google: There was a video going around a year or so ago that a made a mental note of before I had a kid. One piece of advice really stuck out as something crucial to remember.

 

Then my daughter had her first stomach flu, and I needed to make sure it wasn’t any sort of flesh-eating worms or mother allergy. I had to slap my own hands away from the  keyboard. Time Saved: 28 hours a week. Seriously.

 

Hand Sanitize…And Then You Will Again: I swore I’d never be the Hand Sanitizing Mom. Then Posey was 6 weeks early and the size of a Subway sandwich at birth. Long story short, we had hand sanitizer in every room of the house and under our pillows. But as time went on, we loosened up a bit. Understood she wasn’t as fragile as we thought. Then came two days ago and the above-mentioned Stomach Flu. I’m going to need you to rub hand sanitizer in your eyes just for reading this. Germs Saved: 10,0000,000000,000,00000 zillion.

Milestone of the Week: Week 18

Every week, I get an automatic email telling me what my baby should and might be able to do at each week of development. I find it a little unfair that no one is measuring my own little baby steps, so I think it’s only right and good and fair to do it here.

My baby is 18 weeks old.

At 18 weeks, I MIGHT be able to: Not feel guilty that flossing my teeth for two whole minutes is selfish and indulgent.

At 18 weeks, I SHOULD be able to: No longer use the post-natal hormone level fluctuation excuse to rationalize to myself why I actually get a spring in my step on days that 2 Broke Girls is on.

Now your turn! What can you mighta-shoulda?

The M.I.A. Super Bowl Kerfuffle & The Origin of the Middle Finger

NBC is apologizing for being too slow with the delay button Sunday during M.I.A’s bird-flip.

It’s 2012. Does sticking up one finger– the very one I use all the time to text with because it’s the longest– still hold meaning? And how on earth did the gesture ever become obscene? Read a brief overview here. (If I were a morning show booker, I would be scrambling to find a gesture expert this morning.)

It’s a FINGER. There is much, much worse on tv these days.