Now enrolling for the Winter session of Grandpa Daycare! Experienced, professional Grandpa provides the following services:

• Unlimited allowance of mustache and hair pullingSupervised cartoon-a-thons
• Nonstop serenading of tunes from above-watched cartoons
• All You Can Eat Cheerios from a well-worn Ziploc baggie in provider’s coat pocket
• Constant text updates to parent from flip phone
• Diaper changing 4-6 times per hour (*dirty diapers not guaranteed to end up in the diaper pail)
• Wash ‘n Wear Service: Should baby ingest too many prunes and explode through two sets of clothes, Grandpa will spot launder and dry clothes with a hair dryer for no extra fee!
• Love guaranteed to exceed all previous known measures

Tuition: Provider accepts payment in the form of unlimited toast and bottomless decaf.

Hurry, only one spot open!  All applicants required to be named “Posey.”