Posey and Carl Jung’s Theory of the Collective Unconscious

heartofdarknessMy senior year of high school, I had a truly awful English teacher who did not care for me very much whatsoever. Towards the end of the school year, she asked that we go around the classroom and announce where each of us was to attend college the following fall. It basically went down like this: “Harvard.” “Yale.” “Stanford.” “M.I.T.” “M.I.T.” “M.I.T.” and so on. I have no idea why so many engineer-minded kids were in an AP English class, but they were. Then she came to me. I shyly said, “The University of Iowa.”

She glared at me, curled her evil lip up just like the Grinch, and snarled– “You don’t want to be a WRITER, do you?” Gulp.

This post doesn’t have much to do with that story, I just wanted to tell it. The segue is that in this class, I read Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness and learned about Carl Jung’s theory of the collective unconscious:

“My thesis then, is as follows: in addition to our immediate consciousness, which is of a thoroughly personal nature and which we believe to be the only empirical psyche (even if we tack on the personal unconscious as an appendix), there exists a second psychic system of a collective, universal, and impersonal nature which is identical in all individuals. This collective unconscious does not develop individually but is inherited.”

So basically, we’re all born with inherited human experience collective knowledge. And you know what? I totally buy it. I’ve seen it in action. In the form of… THE TELEPHONE.

These days, the only phones Posey has really ever seen in action look like this:

iphone

So how the heck can I explain the fact that she totally instinctively knows what to do with THIS thing? Like, what do do with a handset? When she’s never seen one before???

chatterphone

But she gets it. And answers the phone. That Jung guy was on to something.

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What to Expect When You’re Dating an Improviser

My Ex(es)

My Ex(es)

Long before I met Beef, I went on dates with Other People. Most were a disaster– both the boys and the dates. So let me be a friend to all of you young ladies in dating world, because friends don’t let friends date improvisers– especially in Chicago. Here is something I wrote for my newest online home, The Second City Network.

You’ve heard of The Second City. It’s the famous Chicago improv farm where they grow Tina Feys, Steve Carells, Amy Poehlers and pretty much everyone who’s ever been on SNL.

What to Expect When You Expect Your Baby’s Toenails to Grow, But They Don’t

*Toe-tally not Po's piggies

*Toe-tally not Po’s piggies

Posey is 17 months and 9 days old. Today, on this magical day, she hit quite the milestone– and Beef and I are mighty proud.

Did she walk? No.

Did she say “Mama?” No.

Did she scoop the poop out of the cat box? I wish.

On this magical day, my daughter grew her toenails long enough for me to be able to cut them for the very first time!!! But don’t get too excited– only 6 of them were ready for trimming. Is this normal? According to Whattoexpect.com, I need to “keep in mind that toenails grow more slowly and therefore require less maintenance.” Did they mean over 500 days?

For more of their advice on how to cut your baby’s nails, click on over to here. And no, I did not save the clippings.

3 Reasons I’m Annoyed My Toddler Can’t Walk Yet

1. The acute lower back pain I’m currently in physical therapy for from lifting a non-walking toddler.

2. The sprained rib I was diagnosed with today that I most likely got from lifting a non-walking toddler.

3. The kid pictured above, Kate Wood, is just a few months older than Posey and is already an international swimming star. A baby that swims laps? Maybe I need to re-direct my efforts and head back to swim school

The Cutest Hair Bows on Earth, for Easter & Beyond

haircut

Last weekend, we took Posey for her first haircut. Well, her first “real” haircut. My mom said it didn’t count when I trimmed the back of her head into a sweet little rattail. Now that she’s got a fancy new ‘do, I felt she needed something else in her life: fancy hair bows.

This is what Etsy is made for.

After a quick search, I came across a little shop called Ellie & Liv. It doesn’t get much cuter than this, people. And guess what? If you use discount code SPRING2013, you can save 10% now through 4/1/2013. If you don’t want a chocolate bunny to clip in your child’s hair, there is seriously something wrong with you.

chocbunny chevron

striped

Rating the Disney Princesses: From Skinniest to Fattest

Disney-Princess-Kida-disney-princess-30168400-2560-1117

Come on, give me a break! Could you imagine? Oh, wait. It kinda happened. Read Harley Pasternak’s stupid blog, and then come on back real quick-like.

I wrote about it today on The Huffington Post. Read it here. And then let’s you and me make a plan to have Ashley Tisdale’s jaw un-wired shut, okay?