Let the Jessica Simpson Parade Begin

Ok, folks… here’s how she looked at LAX yesterday:

But today marks the big public “reveal” of her Body After Baby on the series premiere of Katie Couric’s new talk show.  What will she wear? What will she say? Will she finally admit how much weight she gained??? Doubt it, since she’s a spokesperson for a company that claims it doesn’t focus on the number.  And if Weight Watchers is smart, they’ll debut Jessica’s first commercial during the show, too.

Tune in for the big interview, and let me know what you think!

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Vegan Parent Alert: Bill Clinton

Um… I may have to give veganism another try.

Whether you agree with his politics or not, Bill Clinton had fire– and no animals— in his belly tonight during his DNC speech.  My mom always says, “But where do you get your proooooteeeein?”

This guy has more energy than anyone. Ever. And I could use some of that.

 

Cool Mom Alert! Michelle Obama’s Blue Nails

UPDATE: The color is Artistic Nail Design’s Colour Gloss Soak-Off Gel in “Vogue.”  Gel polish is what’s referred to as a “no-chip manicure.” 

Yes, Michelle Obama’s DNC speech lit up our Facebook news feeds like a Lite-Brite, but I’m giving Mama Obama my newly-invented Cool Mom Award for… Her nail polish color!

Is that blue? Grey? Whatever it is, it’s amazing. I’m never wearing boring old Mademoiselle ever again. I found info on how to get the look here.

(Thanks, Chels!)

There’s No Guidebook for Taylor’s Mom

Sunday morning, as I attempted to get Posey dressed for the day, the unthinkable happened. I was standing right there– I didn’t walk away, I didn’t turn my head, I didn’t leave her for a nanosecond.  But she rolled right off the table, right in front of me, and crash-landed in an open drawer, her fall broken by her folded stacks of onesies.

She cried for about 12 seconds. I cried for the rest of the day.

How could I be so careless? How did I not stop it? HOW COULD I BE SUCH A BAD MOTHER? I was sure I was alone.  Who would do such a thing?  But that’s where the interweb comes in. Google “baby fell off changing table,” and you get thousands of repeats of the same tale, some of them much, much worse than mine. And that’s the wonderful thing about parenting. No situation, no challenge, no mishap, no conundrum is EVER unique.  There is ALWAYS another parent who’s gone through the exact same thing as you.

Unless, that is, you are Taylor Swift’s mother.

Yesterday, news broke that the singer plunked down a reported $4.9 million for a Cape Cod beach house to be closer to her boyfriend, Conor Kennedy.  A Hyannis realtor even confirmed the sale. My very first thought was– where the hell is this girl’s mother?  How is this happening?  And then I thought about it. Where is the guidebook for her? What do you search for in the index?

What to do when your 22-year-old superstar daughter wants to buy a multi-million dollar Camelot loveshack to be closer to her 18-year-old boyfriend, who happens to be a member of possibly the most storied family in a century of American history,                                The Kennedys.

So I stand corrected.  There ARE unique parenting issues. And I’m going to get started writing my new book, How to Console Your Daughter When RFK’s Teenage Grandson Dumps Her for Vanessa Hudgens.

Pre-order your copy today.

She must be really, really thirsty.

TMZ posted this photo of Uma Thurman out getting juice ONE DAY after giving birth:

How is she even out of the hospital already? The day after I gave birth, Beef picked us up a pizza from Gino’s East, and we ate it IN THE HOSPITAL.  Like normal people.

Posey’s first outing was a walk to Starbuck’s when she was over three weeks old.

When was the first time you took your new bundle out and about? Do you think one day old is too young?

My Name Is Posey, and I’m a Baby

For a few weeks now, Beef’s been singing I just met you/ And this is crazy/ My name is Posey/ And I’m a baby….

Seems we weren’t the only ones changing the words to Carly Rae Jepsen‘s “Call Me Maybe.”  Pose and I can’t get enough of Cookie Monster this morning!

5 Snacks To Help Lose the Baby Weight

Poor Jessica Simpson.  She never had a chance.  Baby Maxwell is 10 weeks old, which means the world has continued to call her fat for 70 days.  Despite her reported $4 million-deal with Weight Watchers, it appears the baby weight isn’t melting off the way she… or I…or probably YOU… thought it would.

I’ve been told that women should aim to eat 30 grams of protein for breakfast every day. That’s a lot. Like, five eggs.  Gross.  Who could do that?  So here are five quick and easy snacks that helped get me back on track*.

*But I’m no Jessica Alba. Sigh.

1.  Nature Valley Protein  Bars

Since Posey naps around 10 and around 3, I find that a lot of days we’re out and about during lunchtime.  These bars– which Costco sells in a giant 24 pack– are the perfect snack to keep in your diaper bag. Self-contained, you can eat while driving (just the peanut butter dark chocolate ones– the almond ones are way messier for some reason) and 10 grams of protein.

2.  Light String Cheese

Again, easy to take on the road, portion-controlled and only 50 calories with 6 grams of protein. I’m a Sargento girl.

3.  Stretch Island Fruit Leather

These were an impulse buy at Costco a few months ago, and I’ve never looked back.  45 calories, all-natural ingredients, no added sugar.  I keep them in the diaper bag with the protein bars.  You can’t get enough fiber, you know what I’m saying? Which reminds me, the gummy fiber supplement inventor deserves an award.

4.  Kashi 7 Grain Waffles

I usually have one of these for breakfast, along with two slices of turkey sausage or nitrate-free turkey bacon from Trader Joe’s, but they make a great snack, too.  Remember: no white flour!

5. Protein Smoothie (approx. 220 calories, 16 grams protein)

I started replacing cow milk with almond milk a few months ago.  Some people argue that dairy causes an excess of mucus in the gut– causing belly fat, but science has proven that’s pretty much bunk.  However, I do sort of subscribe to the thinking that lady-cow milk is for hungry baby cows who need to gain 2000 pounds, so I try to limit my intake to the bare necessities: cheese and Skinny Cow ice creams cones.  Therefore, I use almond milk in coffee and smoothies, like this one:

  • 3/4 c. unsweetened vanilla almond milk
  • 2 scoops vanilla Aria protein powder (I get it at Trader Joe’s)
  • 1 banana (or peach, or whatever fruit you have on hand)
  • 3 ice cubes
  • a pinch of cinnamon

Blend all ingredients in a blender and enjoy for breakfast or as an afternoon pick-me-up!

Jess, we’re rooting for you.

Should you release a pregnancy press release?

When I finally got pregnant, I couldn’t wait to scream it from the rooftops. While some celebrities can’t wait to release the news of their upcoming bundles of joy, three women have recently made headlines for, well, not giving a headline. What do you think? Is it annoying for them to not just state the obvious? How did you share your big news?

Reese Witherspoon

 

Although her bump’s been growing for months, Reese only recently acknowledged her pregnancy by noting that she’s been “feeling very round lately.”

 

 

 

 

 

Megan Fox

Well, I guess she sort of announced it. A picture’s worth 1000 words. Nice work, B.A.G.

UPDATE: @RealBrianAGreen hath tweeted: “Thank you everyone. We are so happy [smiley face],” but then followed it up with, “By the way that last tweet does not confirm or deny anything :)” I never figured BAG for an emoticon kind of guy.

 

 

Giselle Bundchen

Is she, or isn’t she? People are speculating that the fact that she has a hankie over her belly on this new Braziliam Vogue cover is proof.

 

Then again, they also called this photo proof… and that “baby bump” looks like me on the skinniest day of my life in six pairs of Spanx sucking in:

Chris Brown on Today

I understand that human beings make mistakes.  I know my outrage is nothing new, and Sasha Pasulka summed up a lot of folks’ feelings perfectly on HelloGiggles.

BUT– I am sickened by the way The Today Show is touting their big “get” this morning.  Ann Curry just spoke with an 8-year-old girl whose mother brought her to the plaza like it was the cutest thing ever.  This kid is EIGHT— and the women in her life today, both her mother and someone she sees on TV– are all telling her its okay to idolize someone who beat up his girlfriend.

I’m glad that Chris Rock made his opinion known on the Today appearance yesterday.  What’s gross is the way the hosts are all laughing.  I don’t get it.  What’s funny?

Here is a photo of Ann Curry at a 2009 luncheon to help end domestic violence.  Al Roker also attended.