Giuliana and Bill Rancic will appear on the Today Show to elaborate on what they’re already confirmed to E! News… they’re expecting a baby this summer via a gestational surrogate.
This celebrity baby announcement hits close to home. Giuliana and I went through IVF at the same time, and Beef and I even met with her Chicago doctor when we were preparing to switch offices. When she announced she was ALSO battling breast cancer, my heart broke for her. Wasn’t wrestling with infertility enough? Wasn’t MS enough for me, before I found out I had dried up old eggs?
I guess we both learned a lesson here. Let me be the first person to ever say- and to invent the phrase– Everything Happens for a Reason. I hope it catches on. I’m sure she would agree with me that neither one of us would take back any of the journey, because it led us to our little miracle babies. Miracle-Science babies, that is.
Lots of drama for your mama on the new season so far. Which mod mommy are you?
Having your own baby means now being able to put a spotlight on every single thing your own mom has ever done wrong in 30+ years, and you’re not afraid to let Grandma know it. You’ve been saving up your best, most cutting insults for decades– just for this special time in your life. Your mom a drinker? A little loose with the morals? Get out your step-ladder, because you’re gonna need a boost up to that high horse. PS- Please understand that you are 100% absolutely certain to turn into your mother in plus or minus 10 years.
Face it. You’re sad, feeling lonely, have unresolved anger issues aimed at no one in particular (maybe a little at Whitney Cummings), and you’re eating your feelings. What mom hasn’t been in this place at least for a while? And how does your husband ALWAYS magically call your cell phone every time you’re going through the Taco Bell drive-thru? Dorito. Shell. Stop muting his calls, and start telling someone how you feel. And go for a pedicure. Sandals will always fit, even when your jeans don’t. For now.
Do you ever find yourself in the check-out aisle of Target in a mumu with no recollection of how you got there or why you are buying 4 jars of soy sauce? Everyone knows you’re nuts about your baby, you’re just struggling to find your groove as easily as some of your friends have. Plus, it’s lonely in the suburbs, and you kind of miss your old Starbucks and yoga studio downtown. Try planning a ladies lunch at your house– but give your friends 6 weeks’ notice so they can plan their carpools. Do NOT serve anything with mayonnaise.
Henry’s Mom, The Elder Mrs. Francis:
Not only are you a mother, but you’re a mother-in-law. This gives you the right to pop open shook-up cans of Unsoliciated Advice all free-wheely, whenever and wherever you want. After all, you’re only doing your beloved daughter-or-son-in-law a favor, right? So please, stop by without calling first. It’s never a wrong time for the pot to call the kettle black.
You are NOT their mother, you’re their much younger step-mother! No need to get involved in the family issues– you’re just there to take your husband’s daughters to American Girl Place once in a while. And someone has to be in charge in the Bahamas, right? Life’s so grand, it makes you want to break out in song!
Every week, I get an automatic email telling me what my baby should and might be able to do at each week of development. I find it a little unfair that no one is measuring my own little baby steps, so I think it’s only right and good and fair to do it here.
My baby is 18 weeks old.
At 18 weeks, I MIGHT be able to: Not feel guilty that flossing my teeth for two whole minutes is selfish and indulgent.
At 18 weeks, I SHOULD be able to: No longer use the post-natal hormone level fluctuation excuse to rationalize to myself why I actually get a spring in my step on days that 2 Broke Girls is on.