Lots of drama for your mama on the new season so far. Which mod mommy are you?
Having your own baby means now being able to put a spotlight on every single thing your own mom has ever done wrong in 30+ years, and you’re not afraid to let Grandma know it. You’ve been saving up your best, most cutting insults for decades– just for this special time in your life. Your mom a drinker? A little loose with the morals? Get out your step-ladder, because you’re gonna need a boost up to that high horse. PS- Please understand that you are 100% absolutely certain to turn into your mother in plus or minus 10 years.
Face it. You’re sad, feeling lonely, have unresolved anger issues aimed at no one in particular (maybe a little at Whitney Cummings), and you’re eating your feelings. What mom hasn’t been in this place at least for a while? And how does your husband ALWAYS magically call your cell phone every time you’re going through the Taco Bell drive-thru? Dorito. Shell. Stop muting his calls, and start telling someone how you feel. And go for a pedicure. Sandals will always fit, even when your jeans don’t. For now.
Do you ever find yourself in the check-out aisle of Target in a mumu with no recollection of how you got there or why you are buying 4 jars of soy sauce? Everyone knows you’re nuts about your baby, you’re just struggling to find your groove as easily as some of your friends have. Plus, it’s lonely in the suburbs, and you kind of miss your old Starbucks and yoga studio downtown. Try planning a ladies lunch at your house– but give your friends 6 weeks’ notice so they can plan their carpools. Do NOT serve anything with mayonnaise.
- Henry’s Mom, The Elder Mrs. Francis:
Not only are you a mother, but you’re a mother-in-law. This gives you the right to pop open shook-up cans of Unsoliciated Advice all free-wheely, whenever and wherever you want. After all, you’re only doing your beloved daughter-or-son-in-law a favor, right? So please, stop by without calling first. It’s never a wrong time for the pot to call the kettle black.
You are NOT their mother, you’re their much younger step-mother! No need to get involved in the family issues– you’re just there to take your husband’s daughters to American Girl Place once in a while. And someone has to be in charge in the Bahamas, right? Life’s so grand, it makes you want to break out in song!