I am so blessed and proud that my Huffington Post Parents piece was not only “bigger” news than Kate’s pregnancy yesterday, but that it was– and is still– featured on their homepage today. The comments, however, are kind of surprising me. I know, people saying mean things on the internet? Well, I never!!!! My intent with the post was to poke fun at the pressure parents put on themselves to produce (and yes, PRODUCE– parenting is no different from pulling off The Oscars, the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade, an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians or Wheel of Fortune) the Perfect Christmas for their kids. I, more than anyone I know, am guilty of planning things out in my head one way… only to completely fall apart when things don’t go according to plan.
This happens a lot.
Writing about my personal life has taught me to toughen up and not take too much personally– even though people calling me a lazy mom or suggesting that I drink a lot is pretty personal. And only half true. But I know what these people don’t– I’m a great mom, and Mom Who Loves Christmas. I can prove it! Would a Bah Humbug Mom go to Home Goods every other day to Ooh and Ahh over the seasonal hand towels and bundle up their daughter for a joyous six-minute stroll through Zoo Lights before the reindeer poop hit the roof? Here’s the “real story” behind the 7 Things on Mom’s Holiday To-Don’t List.
- Bake. No, I’m not hosting a cookie exchange. Yes, I did make cookies with my mom growing up. And they were TERRIBLE. Raw on the inside, burnt on the outside. My mom is a lot of wonderful things, but she isn’t a baker. So for me, the meaningful holiday memory is what my mom DIDN’T do– and I love her more for it. Besides, I made Rice Krispie Treats last weekend, and Posey and I shared one together. She liked it. That counts, right?
- Make Martha Stewart crafty homemade gifts. I believe that there are lots of folks out there who are making gifts this year. I also believe there is a .01% chance that you are one of them.
- Get a real Christmas tree. My fake-ass cheap tree looks glorious. It’s also my cat’s most favorite place on earth to sit beneath. The baby is too young to care yet, but the cat is seriously at peace under that thing. I’m also an excellent cat mom.
- Remember to light the candles on the first or even second night of Hanukkah. I looked it up. Hanukkah starts at sundown this Saturday. If there is an accident resulting in the baby getting singed, it’s on you. A good mother doesn’t allow an open flame in their home.
- Watch Miracle on 34th Street. Why would I watch this when the world has given me Blake Shelton’s Not-So-Family Christmas as an option? Why, I ask? (Side note: Yesterday, Beef mused aloud, “I wonder if there is going to be another Michael Buble Christmas special this year?” A boy can dream.)
- Take a seasonal family photo. Just last week, I got super-mad that we have no professional family portraits with Posey yet. I saw so many leaf pile shots of my friends’ families frolicking– the kids all smiles, the moms all sassy in new boots– that I demanded my husband book us a session as my Christmas gift. Then, we took Posey to get her photo with Santa. I’m not going to say that Santa dropped her, but I’m not going to say that he didn’t. She squirms a lot. I think I’m going wait til I have a better guarantee I won’t get super-mad that we spend money on super-bad pictures. (PS– Didn’t people see the picture of us that accompanied the post?)
- Mail out holiday cards before December 26th. Fine. Send me your address. But I really will have to ask you for it again next year.
And to all of you nice people out there who’ve been writing me kind comments and emails: Santa is sure to put you on his “nice” list this year! Thank you!